1 00:00:09,759 --> 00:00:10,927 I'm sorry, you guys have probably noticed 2 00:00:10,969 --> 00:00:12,804 my stomach's a little more sensitive lately, 3 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,139 so if you wouldn't mind 4 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,141 wearing a little less perfume, 5 00:00:16,182 --> 00:00:18,268 and if your lunch is especially pungent, 6 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,853 maybe have it in the break room. 7 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,604 We would really appreciate it. 8 00:00:21,646 --> 00:00:23,314 Pam is constantly throwing up 9 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,649 because of the pregnancy. 10 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,068 If she eats something the fetus doesn't like, 11 00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,446 she is screwed. It's amazing. 12 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:33,491 A three-ounce fetus is calling the shots. 13 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,785 It's so badass. 14 00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,120 Oh, gee, I'm sorry. 15 00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:38,747 I guess I missed the meeting 16 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:41,708 where we all voted for you to get pregnant. 17 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,793 No. I reserve the right 18 00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:46,713 to peel my hard-boiled eggs at my desk. 19 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,423 Dwight, they smell like farts. 20 00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,008 Do you ever think that the very smell 21 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,178 that makes you nauseous strengthens my constitution? 22 00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,554 Yeah, I wouldn't mind if you ate those 23 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:55,764 in the break room too. 24 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:56,931 Yeah, so you can go through my stuff? 25 00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,433 No, thank you. 26 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,519 Phyllis, um, if you could switch to a different soap 27 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:02,812 just for a month or two--? 28 00:01:02,854 --> 00:01:04,397 Yours is kind of perfumey. 29 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,649 Now this is getting ridiculous. 30 00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:09,361 All morning I look forward to my afternoon cigars, 31 00:01:09,402 --> 00:01:12,030 and I am not stopping for anybody. 32 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,115 I don't think I'm asking for too much. 33 00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:17,911 I guess it's just the end of courtesy in the workplace. 34 00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:39,557 Watching people get sick always makes me sick. 35 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,893 And... 36 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,561 well, frankly, so does talking about it, 37 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,480 so... wow. 38 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,775 [retching] 39 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,406 [both retching] 40 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,452 [coughs] 41 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,442 Hello, world. 42 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,027 This is Pam Beesly, 43 00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,528 and this is the latest installment 44 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,614 of my wedding video diary. 45 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,284 This afternoon my fiancé Jim and I are going 46 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:44,372 to Niagara Falls to get married after a half-day of work. 47 00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:48,293 Whoo-hoo! I'm gettin' my marriage on! 48 00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,128 Sorry, I'm just really excited. 49 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,464 Okay. So let's see. 50 00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,758 Um, last time I talked about the difficulties 51 00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,176 of throwing a wedding on a budget, 52 00:02:56,217 --> 00:02:59,054 specifically flower arrangements. 53 00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:01,639 My solution... 54 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,308 paper flowers. 55 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,310 I made these using a regular cardstock 56 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,312 that I found in the warehouse. 57 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,522 Can you believe they were gonna just throw that away? 58 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,568 - Hey, babe. - Hey, babe. 59 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,407 [giggles] 60 00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,914 You gotta let me know when you're doing that. 61 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,625 Well, what do you think? 62 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:30,085 I spent all morning doing it. 63 00:03:30,126 --> 00:03:31,753 - It is really special. - [laughs] 64 00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:34,005 {\an8}Yeah, but aren't you supposed to do that to our-- 65 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,007 {\an8}no, it's great. 66 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:39,010 {\an8}Well, it's just a really important day for me. 67 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,221 {\an8}- Well, congrats. - Thanks. 68 00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:45,100 {\an8}Dunder Mifflin Scranton will be closed today and Friday 69 00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:47,894 {\an8}for a company wedding in Niagara Falls, 70 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,187 {\an8}so please leave a message, 71 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,356 {\an8}and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. 72 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,149 {\an8}Have a great day. 73 00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,275 {\an8}Uh, believe it or not, Kevin, 74 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:56,903 {\an8}firecrackers are in the "don't" column. 75 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,988 {\an8}So you're gonna provide them then? 76 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,615 {\an8}No, this is a firecracker-free wedding. 77 00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,534 {\an8}- What the hell? - You've got to be kidding me. 78 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,661 {\an8}Okay, all of these things are important to remember, 79 00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:07,497 {\an8}but the most important thing is that no one say anything 80 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,165 {\an8}about my pregnancy at the wedding. 81 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,583 {\an8}Absolutely, because not everyone knows, 82 00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,085 {\an8}and some people might be offended. 83 00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,337 {\an8}Decent people everywhere will get offended. 84 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,172 {\an8}Well, we're thinking of my grandmother, 85 00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,425 {\an8}who we haven't told, and who is very old-fashioned. 86 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,552 {\an8}Well, you're lucky to have a grandmother. 87 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,679 {\an8}Some of us have to be our own grandmother. 88 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,222 {\an8}You know, Angela, um, 89 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,765 {\an8}you don't have to come to the wedding. 90 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,559 {\an8}- Really, Pam? - Yes, she does. Yes, she does. 91 00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,102 {\an8}We're all gonna go, and we're gonna have a good time. 92 00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,229 {\an8}- Ow! He pinched me. - No. 93 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,897 {\an8}Next time we're all in this room, 94 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,065 {\an8}Jim and I will be married. 95 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,567 {\an8}We'll see. 96 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:36,901 {\an8}- Thank you, Dwight. - Good-bye. 97 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,403 {\an8}- See you later. - Bye. 98 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,614 {\an8}Oh, hey, and don't embarrass me 99 00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,366 {\an8}when we go to Niagara. 100 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:46,036 {\an8}What happens in Niagara stays in Niagara. 101 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,996 {\an8}[laughter] 102 00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,622 {\an8}Don't, don't, don't. 103 00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,750 {\an8}You stole my joke. Don't steal my joke. 104 00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,209 {\an8}No, I didn't steal your joke. 105 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,502 {\an8}Yes, I said that yesterday. 106 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:55,837 {\an8}But you can say that about anything. 107 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,381 {\an8}What happens in accounting stays in accounting. 108 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,841 {\an8}Oh, yeah. [laughter] 109 00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:02,427 {\an8}No, no, no. Please, please. Dwight, that's my joke. 110 00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,220 {\an8}No, but it's so easy. That's what I'm saying. 111 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,388 {\an8}- You can say-- - Okay, this is what 112 00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,932 {\an8}I am talking about. When we leave here 113 00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,310 {\an8}and go up to Niagara Falls, 114 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:13,605 {\an8}we are representing Dunder Mifflin, everyone. 115 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,815 {\an8}This is a very important wedding for this branch, 116 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,567 {\an8}the most important wedding until I get married, 117 00:05:17,609 --> 00:05:19,778 {\an8}so I want you all on your best behavior 118 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:22,781 {\an8}or so help me, God! 119 00:05:22,822 --> 00:05:27,327 {\an8}So I will see you up there in "Viagra" Falls. 120 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,122 {\an8}Pam and Jim's wedding will be 121 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,458 {\an8}the single best pickup destination 122 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,920 {\an8}in the history of the universe. 123 00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:40,090 They are attractive people, and I assume that they have 124 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:43,176 a lot of attractive unmarried female friends 125 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,429 who I hope to meet. 126 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,724 I think my secret weapon will be my toast. 127 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:55,647 My toast will be, uh, funny, charming, very sexual. 128 00:05:55,689 --> 00:06:00,068 Um, it will reference the big summer blockbuster movies, 129 00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,738 so I defy any woman who has seen "G-Force" 130 00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:06,074 not to be swept off her feet. 131 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,742 Deodorant, toothpaste, check. 132 00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,744 [whispering] Did you bring condoms? 133 00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:11,371 Yes, extra-large. 134 00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,123 I brought 78 condoms. 135 00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,875 [laughs] Oh, man. For three days? 136 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,712 You're gonna have sex 78 times in three days? 137 00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:20,714 26 times. 138 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,010 How many condoms do you use each time? 139 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,012 Three, right? 140 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,388 One... 141 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,518 One for each. 142 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,061 What else? What else? What else? 143 00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,187 Uh, I got a binder here. 144 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,023 Uh, we can take turns studying it 145 00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,357 while the other is driving. 146 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,193 Okay, sort of like a health class thing, yeah. 147 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,778 I could use a refresher. 148 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,196 No, it's, uh-- 149 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,699 I stole the guest list from Jim's desk, 150 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:50,076 and I search-engined every female 151 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,536 on both sides of the family. 152 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,246 - Get out of here. - Yes. 153 00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:55,290 - Oh, my god, Dwight. - For instance, 154 00:06:55,331 --> 00:06:58,877 Pam's cousin Jocelyn Webster. 155 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,421 - There's a name. - [laughs] 156 00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:04,632 Two years ago, she was selling a mountain bike. 157 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:07,344 Oh, well, tell me about Jocelyn. 158 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:08,678 - What's she like? - I will. I will. 159 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,473 Uh, she's really into mountain biking, 160 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,558 - but not so much lately. - Okay. 161 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,353 Uh, she had a couple hundred dollars to spend. 162 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:21,524 I mean, if she was able to sell her bike, then... 163 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,859 Is that all you have on her? 164 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,277 Well, if this in fact her 165 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,403 because it's a very common name. 166 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,197 Okay. You're an idiot. 167 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:36,790 People don't think of me 168 00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:39,918 as one of the sharper dressers in the office, 169 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:43,171 but I'm going to turn that around at this wedding. 170 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:47,592 I thought, "How can I take it to the next level?" 171 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:50,679 The hair. 172 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,181 [car horn honking] It's the hair. 173 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:57,185 Okay. Okay. I'm going. [honks] 174 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,106 Hey, did one of you guys want to sit up front with me 175 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,857 so I have someone to talk to? 176 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,485 - It's, like, a five-hour drive - ish, you know? 177 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,945 Nah, this is so much cooler. 178 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,947 We feel like we're in a limo and you're our driver. 179 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:11,116 Mm. 180 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,659 - Erin? - Oh, no. 181 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:16,913 That wouldn't be fair to leave Kelly alone in back. 182 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:20,375 Not only is Erin really sweet and cute... 183 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,628 she smells like my mom. 184 00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,213 Hey, my aunt told me something neat. 185 00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:26,923 - Yeah? - She said everything 186 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,466 with the wedding goes by so fast, 187 00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,343 we should try to take mental pictures 188 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,137 - of the high points. - Oh, wow. 189 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,556 - That's cool. - Yeah. 190 00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,016 Click. 191 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,642 Oh, you blinked. 192 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,602 Damn it. Now that's in my brain forever. 193 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,521 - Oh. - What a lousy picture. 194 00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,939 We should have hired a professional 195 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,316 to take the mental pictures. 196 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:53,116 Oh, god. Wow. 197 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,993 Oh. I was asleep. 198 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,202 What? No way. 199 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:57,912 Those glasses are super dark. 200 00:08:57,954 --> 00:09:00,331 - Oh, wow. - Okay. 201 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,292 All right, we need some tunes, I think. 202 00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,877 You know what? I made you a CD. 203 00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:05,045 - You did? - Mm-hmm. 204 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,504 - That was nice of you. - This is to play 205 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,922 when you bring a woman back to your hotel room. 206 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:11,134 Oh, very thoughtful. A little mix to set the mood. 207 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,510 - [laughs] - Delightful. 208 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,679 - Pop that in. - You're gonna like this. 209 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,599 Hello, my name is Dwight Schrute. 210 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,933 If you are listening to this, 211 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:21,853 you're a lucky woman Michael has seduced. 212 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,980 Ah, to be in your shoes. 213 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,441 "What's next?" You're probably wondering. 214 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:29,694 Don't be scared of your night in heaven. 215 00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,613 Are you serious? You want me to play that 216 00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:33,239 for a woman coming to my room? 217 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,532 Yeah. 218 00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,284 - Hell is wrong with you? - [sighs] 219 00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,746 That wasn't so bad, was it? Now let Michael sleep. 220 00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:41,831 Quietly gather your belongings and let yourself out. 221 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,375 - Oh, my God. - You see, it's practical. 222 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:46,419 No, no. That's now how it works. 223 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,962 Niagara Falls used to be, like, 224 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,131 a spiritual experience to people. 225 00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:53,301 They stayed in tents, and it blew their minds. 226 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:57,681 But it's really kitschy now, which is a lot of fun. 227 00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,974 Oh, hello. We're standing in front 228 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:02,977 of the majestic Statler Falls Hotel. 229 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:04,729 And I know what you're asking yourself. 230 00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:06,773 "How did they get in to the number one hotel 231 00:10:06,815 --> 00:10:07,941 "in the region 232 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,361 "in its price range on Tripadvisor? 233 00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,988 "Who do they know? How did they swing that? 234 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,782 "They are so fancy. 235 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:18,952 We hate them, but secretly, we wanna be them." 236 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,913 Stop it. Stop narrating. 237 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,373 - I actually think it's help-- - I'm not kidding. 238 00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,791 On the fourth of-- 239 00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:27,210 Come inside. 240 00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:29,587 - Halpert. Halpert. - And Beesly. 241 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,922 Tonight we're in two separate rooms, 242 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,008 and then Tomorrow night is the honeymoon suite. 243 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,259 - Great. - I know. 244 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,719 We're pretty excited too. 245 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,512 Can we take a look at the suite now? 246 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,222 Oh, I'm sorry. Somebody just checked in. 247 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,808 Oh, is there another wedding at the hotel this weekend? 248 00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,852 Oh, no. Just an individual. 249 00:10:43,893 --> 00:10:45,186 That man there. 250 00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,814 Hey, I got the room the night before you guys. 251 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:50,358 I'll break in the bed. [laughs] 252 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,237 I don't like that. 253 00:10:54,279 --> 00:10:55,613 I'm gonna need the name and cell phone number 254 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,781 of the housekeeper responsible 255 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,783 for changing the sheets, please. 256 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,577 Hello. 257 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:02,328 Reservation for Michael Scott. 258 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,831 - One moment while I check. - Their proximity to the falls 259 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,750 makes everything smell like a basement. 260 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,626 - Mm-hmm. - I'm sorry, sir. 261 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,919 I'm not seeing you in here. 262 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,588 When did you make your reservation? 263 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,299 I don't have a reservation, but I want a room 264 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,259 in the Beesly-Halpert block of rooms. 265 00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,470 Oh, okay. Unfortunately, sir, 266 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:20,180 the block only applies to the rate. 267 00:11:20,221 --> 00:11:21,639 I'm afraid we're all sold out. 268 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,476 Dwight Schrute. I have a reservation. 269 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,810 Confirmation number, 270 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:32,150 - uh, Romeo, tango, G 7-7-4-5. - Yes. Schrute. 271 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:35,278 And I had spoken to Theresa about a room with two safes. 272 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,572 - Sure. No problem. - Okay? 273 00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,823 There's your key, Mr. Schrute. 274 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:41,493 - Thank you. - Dwight. Dwight, Dwight. 275 00:11:41,534 --> 00:11:42,994 - I need to stay in your room. - No way. 276 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,496 - What if I meet someone? - I'm staying in your-- 277 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,789 - come on. - No, Michael. 278 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:46,998 - I would do the same for you. - You would? 279 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,041 - Yes. - Really? 280 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,417 - Yes. Let's just... go. - I don't-- 281 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,378 Wait a second. Oh, no, no, no, no. 282 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,338 This must be some kind of mistake. 283 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,340 This reservation is under an M. Scott. 284 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:56,675 - Oh... - This must be yours. 285 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,677 - Thank God. - Oh, no. 286 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,929 Now that I don't have a room, can I stay with you? 287 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:03,515 Um... 288 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,933 no. You know what? 289 00:12:04,974 --> 00:12:07,268 I--I would say yes, but you can't, 290 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:10,814 and I'll tell you why. If I have a woman up there 291 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:13,525 and things are getting amorous, she's gonna get turned off 292 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,026 if she looks in the bathroom and she sees you 293 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,987 brushing your teeth with butter and clay, okay? 294 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,364 Okay, okay. Aha! 295 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,782 That was a test, and you have failed, 296 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,284 for this is my room. Okay? 297 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,411 You would not share it with me. 298 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,037 - I don't have a room? - No, you do not. 299 00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:30,041 Okay, ooh, you must pass the dungeon wisdom test. 300 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,209 It worked. 301 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,379 When Mary was denied a room at the inn, 302 00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,798 Jesus was born. 303 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,135 When Michael was denied a room at the inn, 304 00:12:40,176 --> 00:12:41,511 we don't know what happens 305 00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,430 because that story hasn't been told yet. 306 00:12:47,058 --> 00:12:48,977 Mr. and Mrs. Stanley Hudson. [laughs] 307 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,938 Hey, Stanley. Favor. 308 00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:53,398 Could I stay in your room tonight? 309 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,817 Are you out of your mind? I brought Cynthia with me. 310 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,652 Not in the same bed. In the other bed. 311 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,612 I got one queen-size bed. 312 00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:02,198 You are kidding me. 313 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,451 A queen-size bed is five-feet wide. 314 00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:05,952 I am not five-feet wide, Michael. 315 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,537 I'm not a physics major, Stanley. 316 00:13:07,579 --> 00:13:09,080 I'm just saying be careful. 317 00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,290 Hey, guys. 318 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,250 Hey, could I stay in your room tonight? 319 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,793 - Oh, gross. - Blow my brains out. 320 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,837 That's rude. 321 00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,715 Michael, I have an extra twin bed, if you want. 322 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,633 You are going to be sleeping by yourself 323 00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:21,801 for the rest of your life, 324 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,261 so you should just get used to it. 325 00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:28,516 So, uh, which one is Pam's grandma? 326 00:13:28,558 --> 00:13:31,519 Oh, Meemaw? She's the one in the teal suit. 327 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:34,230 She's the only 80-year-old with no smile wrinkles. 328 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:37,067 Dad, remember. No mention of the baby, right? 329 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,318 - No. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 330 00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,778 She's very conservative. 331 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,738 So mum's the word. 332 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:42,947 Um, Dad, this is Michael Scott. 333 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,157 - How you doing? - Oh, hi. 334 00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:45,492 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you. 335 00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,826 Who's doing a toast? 336 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:48,661 I would like to go third, sort of back cleanup if-- 337 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,246 Michael, I thought we discussed 338 00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:53,166 that we'd rather you not speak, like, at all 339 00:13:53,208 --> 00:13:55,418 because it's just gonna be blood relatives, I think. 340 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,796 That is seriously going to impede my ability 341 00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,715 to hook up with your female relatives. 342 00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,676 Pretty sure everybody heard that. 343 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,928 Didn't move my lips. 344 00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,016 - Hey, Meemaw. - Oh. 345 00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,853 I wasn't sure about your branch of the family 346 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:16,856 after I heard about your parents' divorce, 347 00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:22,278 but you and Jim are just perfect. 348 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,364 - God bless you. - Oh, thank you, 349 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:27,033 but nobody's perfect. 350 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:31,204 Well, I wouldn't care to live if I thought that. 351 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,708 Mr. Beesly, how are you? 352 00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,668 I'd like you to meet Kristy Kelly. 353 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:39,379 Oh, this, uh-- this your niece? 354 00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:42,716 [laughs] No, no. She's, uh--she's my girlfriend. 355 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,218 Hey, can you make room at that table? 356 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:48,638 From quarter three to quarter four, up 17% 357 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,224 while his sales, down 2%. 358 00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,892 It's all there in the report. 359 00:14:52,934 --> 00:14:54,602 Why would they make the bad man your boss 360 00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:55,729 if you're so much smarter? 361 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:56,896 Excellent question. 362 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,606 Because while I was busy 363 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,693 trying to improve the company and make it a success, 364 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,279 Jim, the bad man, 365 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,906 was busy kissing the boss man's butt. 366 00:15:06,948 --> 00:15:09,200 - All: Ew! - That's right. 367 00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,577 It is ew. 368 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,245 It's very ew. 369 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,664 Oscar, Kevin, this is my sister, Penny. 370 00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,041 She's also my maid of honor. 371 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,292 - Pleased to meet you. - Hi. 372 00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:19,127 Oh, I'm sorry. It's Kevin? 373 00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,880 I thought it was Gill. 374 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,758 She thought I was your boyfriend. 375 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,844 You thought I was dating this? 376 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,095 What the hell is wrong with you? 377 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,598 Oscar, it was an honest mistake. 378 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,391 Him? Him? 379 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,019 Oscar, I would be proud to date you. 380 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,147 - I'm sorry. - I'm not gay. I'm Kevin. 381 00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,358 - Nice to meet you, Kevin. - Yes. 382 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:43,485 - You owe me an apology. - I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-- 383 00:15:43,526 --> 00:15:44,861 Are you seeing anyone right now? 384 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:45,945 She has a boyfriend. He's out of town. 385 00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:47,947 - Cool. - Thank you. 386 00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,367 I was the youngest VP in company history. 387 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,702 More recently, he worked in a bowling alley. 388 00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,121 Tell 'em one of your funny bowling alley stories. 389 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,540 - Um, also-- - How did Meredith get put 390 00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,376 at the young people's table? 391 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,961 She probably switched cards with someone, 392 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,798 like I did with Erin. 393 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,968 What? You c--that's-- 394 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:13,223 you're--you're not allowed. 395 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,227 I really wanted to sit next to you. 396 00:16:17,268 --> 00:16:18,978 Mm-hmm. 397 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,735 I know this place. 398 00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:28,113 It was home base when I ran cigarettes over the border. 399 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,781 For who, mobsters? 400 00:16:29,823 --> 00:16:31,157 I never knew. 401 00:16:31,199 --> 00:16:32,742 The balloon came in, the balloon came out. 402 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,035 I didn't think to ask. 403 00:16:35,704 --> 00:16:37,163 Jim and Pam, 404 00:16:37,205 --> 00:16:40,959 I can't tell you how happy I am to be here. 405 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,254 Head table, where I belong. 406 00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:46,715 - It's just for family. - No. 407 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:47,924 Who's that one? 408 00:16:47,966 --> 00:16:50,844 [talking indistinctly] 409 00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,178 Isabel Poreba. 410 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,888 Oh, I got stuff on her. [laughs] 411 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,348 I know that we're all really-- 412 00:16:55,390 --> 00:17:00,228 In 1996, her 10th grade volleyball team went 10 and 2. 413 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:03,189 What am I supposed to do with that, Dwight? 414 00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,649 That's a very good record. 415 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,569 [people talking indistinctly] 416 00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,541 - [laughter] - It was kind of crazy, 417 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,834 you know what I mean? 418 00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,462 You should've seen her face. Well, that's true. 419 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:26,921 That's just 'cause you're trouble. 420 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:29,466 Oh, just a little bit of trouble. 421 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:32,469 [both laugh] 422 00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:37,390 I just--I wanted to tell you, you really spiked that toast. 423 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,225 - What? - You really-- 424 00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:41,061 you--that toast, you spiked it. 425 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,146 Is that an expression or? 426 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,731 It's a volleyball term. 427 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,232 I study volleyball. 428 00:17:46,274 --> 00:17:48,068 - I'm sort of a fan. - Are you-- 429 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,569 You're Pam's boss, right? 430 00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:50,570 One and the same. 431 00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,491 [laughs] Okay. 432 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:57,369 - Um, Kristy, how are you? - Hey. 433 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,245 - You look beautiful. - Thank you. 434 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,998 It's good to see you and everything. 435 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,001 Um... 436 00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,252 Here's what we'll do. I'll say, 437 00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,922 "Jim is the greatest brother you could have." 438 00:18:08,963 --> 00:18:10,715 - [feigns cough] Not. - Right? 439 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,093 Right, right, so I'll be like, "He is so sweet, guys, 440 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:14,552 - and so kind"-- - Oh, and that's when I'll do 441 00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,429 - the face like-- - Like "What?" Right? 442 00:18:16,471 --> 00:18:18,473 And then we'll just give him a little punch to the back. 443 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,058 - A noogie. - Although you know what? 444 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,268 - Never to married for a noogie. - Never. 445 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,687 They have hilarious material, 446 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,272 and they are going to totally deliver it wrong. 447 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,816 I would kill with the brother stuff. 448 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,984 It should be me up there. 449 00:18:30,026 --> 00:18:32,237 It should be me and Pete, not Pete and Tom. 450 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,283 Pam, you've got the greatest smile, 451 00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:39,744 and your body is really fine. 452 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:41,663 - Smoking. - Hoping it'll make our wives 453 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:42,872 kick it up a notch. 454 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,499 - A little mo' cardio. - We're just saying. 455 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:45,792 [laughs] 456 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:48,003 That's not appropriate. 457 00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,131 Hello. Hi, everybody. 458 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,465 I promised I wasn't gonna make a toast, 459 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:54,175 and I'm not going to, just going to do 460 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,553 a little freestanding comedy, and if at the end 461 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:58,138 everybody wants to raise their glasses 462 00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:01,516 to Pam and Jim, then so be it. 463 00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:05,270 Hey, what is the deal with the smart car? 464 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,312 How smart is that? 465 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,231 Those things are tiny. 466 00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:09,941 Can you even drive them in traffic? 467 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,860 "Oh, I'm so smart. 468 00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,820 "E equals mc... squared. 469 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:15,238 I--I drive a smart car." 470 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,740 That's not smart in my book. 471 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,868 The real smart car is KITT from "Knight Rider." 472 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,995 - "Knight Rider." - That's a car that can talk. 473 00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:23,997 Can a smart car talk? 474 00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:26,166 Nope. That's not smart. 475 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:27,917 And also "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang." 476 00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,628 - Very smart. - And... you-- 477 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:32,339 everybody can laugh. 478 00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:34,341 It doesn't have to just be the idiots. 479 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,592 - Everybody can laugh. - Nope. 480 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:36,885 Yeah, go ahead. 481 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,762 All right. Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming. 482 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,638 - Douche. [coughs] - Aw, thanks, Pete. 483 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,349 That was really nice. I just want to say 484 00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:45,352 how happy we are that all of you are here tonight, 485 00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,895 and I want to especially thank 486 00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,480 those of you who have traveled from far away 487 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,066 to be here with us tonight, 488 00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,318 especially the Florida cousins, 489 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,153 who obviously can't take a hint. 490 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,446 [laughter] 491 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:59,366 Four years ago, I was just a guy 492 00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:02,202 who had a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend. 493 00:20:02,243 --> 00:20:04,537 And I had to do the hardest thing 494 00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:08,792 that I've ever had to do, which was just to wait. 495 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:10,377 Uh, don't get me wrong. 496 00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,711 I flirted with her. 497 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:12,879 Pam, I can now admit 498 00:20:12,921 --> 00:20:14,005 in front of friends and family 499 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,383 that I do know how to make a photocopy. 500 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,510 Didn't need your help that many times. 501 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,512 And, uh, do you remember how long it took you 502 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,055 to teach me how to drive stick? 503 00:20:22,097 --> 00:20:23,807 Like, a year. 504 00:20:23,848 --> 00:20:26,184 I've been driving stick since high school, so... 505 00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,144 [laughter] 506 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,397 Yes, for a really long time, that's all I had. 507 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,774 I just had little moments with a girl 508 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:34,442 who saw me as a friend. 509 00:20:34,484 --> 00:20:36,861 And a lot of people told me I was crazy 510 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,698 to wait this long for a date with a girl who I worked with, 511 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,868 but I think even then I knew that... 512 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,954 I was waiting for my wife. 513 00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:48,248 - Aww. - So... 514 00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:50,667 I would like to propose a toast. 515 00:20:50,709 --> 00:20:52,585 So if you'd all raise your glasses-- 516 00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,421 not Pam, for obvious reasons, 517 00:20:54,462 --> 00:20:56,172 but everyone else, if you would raise your glasses-- 518 00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,841 What's obvious? 519 00:20:57,882 --> 00:21:00,093 Why can't Pam drink? 520 00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:01,928 Pam can't drink? Who--I didn't-- 521 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,180 I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I did. 522 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:05,515 She can do whatever she wants, 523 00:21:05,557 --> 00:21:06,850 - though she shouldn't. - [laughs] 524 00:21:06,891 --> 00:21:09,936 She shouldn't because she's an alcoholic. 525 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:11,354 Pam is an alcoholic. 526 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,023 - Jim. - That's not true. 527 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,567 No. 528 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,444 What we wanted-- 529 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,572 the real reason is that, um... 530 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:23,158 that--that Pam's pregnant-- 531 00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:26,411 - [clears throat] - Okay, okay, okay. 532 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:32,125 Hey, what I think Jim is trying to say is that... 533 00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:33,835 they had an accident, 534 00:21:33,877 --> 00:21:35,795 and you know what? 535 00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:38,882 These two people, they're living together. 536 00:21:38,923 --> 00:21:41,593 They are having lots of consensual sex. 537 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:43,345 They were living together? 538 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,013 Yes. Yes, they were living tog-- 539 00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:46,639 yes, and you know what? 540 00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:51,394 You can't expect them to be careful every time 541 00:21:51,436 --> 00:21:53,980 because, frankly, it's just a different sensation... 542 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:54,981 - Michael. - When you come-- 543 00:21:55,023 --> 00:21:56,316 well, am I wrong? 544 00:21:56,358 --> 00:21:57,650 They say it's not different, 545 00:21:57,692 --> 00:21:59,069 but it's a different sensation... 546 00:21:59,110 --> 00:22:02,280 - Oh, my God. Don't. Please. - When you use something 547 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,823 to block... 548 00:22:03,865 --> 00:22:06,659 I think everybody knows what I am talking about. 549 00:22:06,701 --> 00:22:08,745 It's not necessarily different for the woman... 550 00:22:08,787 --> 00:22:10,288 - Michael-- - But it is different--okay. 551 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:12,665 - Okay, okay. - Michael, stop. 552 00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:14,626 All right. 553 00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:17,337 My point is, I said what I wanted to say, 554 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,798 and Meemaw, I hope you heard every word. 555 00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,008 All right. 556 00:22:22,050 --> 00:22:23,551 Jim. 557 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:26,930 To waiting. 558 00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,264 - To waiting. - Okay. 559 00:22:28,306 --> 00:22:29,349 - To waiting. - To waiting. 560 00:22:29,391 --> 00:22:31,393 - To waiting. - Cheers. 561 00:22:35,105 --> 00:22:37,357 The hotel's television set had a movie on 562 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,109 called "Bruno" last night. 563 00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:41,778 The remote control had so darn many buttons on it, 564 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,154 I couldn't turn it off, 565 00:22:43,196 --> 00:22:46,449 so I had to just sit there while it happened to me. 566 00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:52,038 I wondered, "How could they pick such a hotel?" 567 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,208 Mm. Now I know. 568 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:58,378 Meemaw. 569 00:22:59,254 --> 00:23:00,547 I think it was a little touch and go at first, 570 00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:02,090 but we saved it, I believe. 571 00:23:02,132 --> 00:23:04,718 I can't believe it was me. 572 00:23:04,759 --> 00:23:07,053 I know, I can't believe it was you either. 573 00:23:07,095 --> 00:23:10,515 I actually think it takes a lot of pressure off of me. 574 00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:11,891 Is there something about being a manager 575 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,226 that makes you say stupid things? 576 00:23:13,268 --> 00:23:14,644 I have not found that to be the case. 577 00:23:14,686 --> 00:23:16,604 - Hey, smooth guys. - I'm so sorry. 578 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,523 Can you believe it? He screwed up, not me. 579 00:23:18,565 --> 00:23:19,607 Meemaw's not coming to the wedding. 580 00:23:19,649 --> 00:23:21,234 She's leaving tomorrow morning. 581 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,485 Oh, my God. Are you serious? 582 00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,988 There's gonna be a free room? 583 00:23:32,287 --> 00:23:35,415 Hi, meemaw. It's Michael. 584 00:23:35,457 --> 00:23:36,916 Oh, you're that foul man 585 00:23:36,958 --> 00:23:38,752 that kept talking about intercourse. 586 00:23:38,793 --> 00:23:40,837 Yes. Yep, one and the same. 587 00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:43,006 - May I? - [mumbles] 588 00:23:43,048 --> 00:23:44,924 I am actually great with old women. 589 00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:46,593 In fact, for the longest time, 590 00:23:46,634 --> 00:23:49,596 my best friend was my grandmother. 591 00:23:49,637 --> 00:23:52,307 And then she met Harriet, 592 00:23:52,349 --> 00:23:55,477 and now she thinks she's better than everybody. 593 00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:58,521 I want to go to bed, but I can't. 594 00:23:58,563 --> 00:24:00,273 I can't turn that television off. 595 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:04,319 Oh. Okay, well... 596 00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:06,863 - hook you up there. - Oh. 597 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:08,406 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 598 00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:10,617 It was that horrible "Charlie Rose." 599 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:12,619 Oh. Isn't he terrible? 600 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,412 May I? 601 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:15,872 Here's the thing. 602 00:24:15,914 --> 00:24:18,166 Um... 603 00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:21,252 Meemaw, I think you just need to chill out 604 00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:23,755 about this whole Pam getting pregnant thing. 605 00:24:23,797 --> 00:24:25,757 It's not 1890 anymore. 606 00:24:25,799 --> 00:24:29,719 It's modern day and women have sex before marriage, 607 00:24:29,761 --> 00:24:32,138 and I think we need to celebrate that. 608 00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:33,765 And I know in your day 609 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:35,767 she would be considered a whore, 610 00:24:35,809 --> 00:24:39,979 but now women go out and they have sex 611 00:24:40,021 --> 00:24:42,816 and they get wild and they take their tops off 612 00:24:42,857 --> 00:24:45,235 and they have pictures taken of them, 613 00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:47,529 and we need to encourage that. That's part of life. 614 00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,989 People are like cats and dogs these days. 615 00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,033 - Exactly. - This used to be 616 00:24:52,075 --> 00:24:54,119 - such a great country. - I know. 617 00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:56,037 I don't know what happened to it. 618 00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:58,373 They're gonna name the baby after you, you know? 619 00:24:58,415 --> 00:24:59,499 They're gonna call it Meemaw. 620 00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:01,918 You mean Sylvia? 621 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,169 Yes. 622 00:25:03,211 --> 00:25:07,090 And if it's a boy, they will call it Sylvio. 623 00:25:07,132 --> 00:25:09,342 Par-tay. Room 639. 624 00:25:09,384 --> 00:25:10,468 Yes. 625 00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:12,303 Chicks are gonna be off the hook. 626 00:25:12,345 --> 00:25:13,596 Guys too, Oscar, 627 00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:15,223 like Calvin Klein models. 628 00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:17,142 That sounds epic. 629 00:25:17,183 --> 00:25:18,476 Can we bring anything? 630 00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:21,813 Nothing, except for $40 for beer 631 00:25:21,855 --> 00:25:24,107 and any hot chicks you know 'cause that would help me 632 00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:26,609 deliver on some promises I made. 633 00:25:26,651 --> 00:25:28,862 Whoo! No one from the office has been 634 00:25:28,903 --> 00:25:32,115 to a real Bernard throwdown. 635 00:25:32,157 --> 00:25:33,950 If I was a girl, I would seriously reconsider 636 00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:35,493 coming to this party. [laughs] 637 00:25:35,535 --> 00:25:36,870 But don't tell them that I said that 638 00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:39,372 'cause I want them... ♪ There ♪ 639 00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:42,876 Dwight, come on. Let's go. 640 00:25:42,917 --> 00:25:44,711 - What are you wearing? - What? 641 00:25:44,753 --> 00:25:46,504 It's a casual social outfit. 642 00:25:46,546 --> 00:25:48,256 It looks like you're going to a fish fry, Dwight. 643 00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:49,841 No, they're howling at the moon. 644 00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:51,634 - It's suggestive to women. - [sighs] 645 00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:52,886 Because of howling during sex. 646 00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:55,221 - Okay. - [howls insanely] 647 00:25:55,263 --> 00:25:57,891 - That's not appropriate. - [howling] 648 00:25:57,932 --> 00:26:01,227 Uncool. Uncool, Dwight. 649 00:26:01,269 --> 00:26:02,812 [both howl] 650 00:26:02,854 --> 00:26:03,813 - Okay. - [growls] 651 00:26:03,855 --> 00:26:04,814 Okay, come on. Let's go. 652 00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:07,609 [yips] [both howl] 653 00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:14,616 And where do you think you're going? 654 00:26:14,657 --> 00:26:15,700 I was just gonna go down to the hotel bar 655 00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:16,910 for a little bit. 656 00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:18,244 Well, why don't I just save you some time 657 00:26:18,286 --> 00:26:20,955 and kick you in the stomach instead? 658 00:26:20,997 --> 00:26:22,874 I just wanted to get out of my room for a little while. 659 00:26:22,916 --> 00:26:24,459 Mm-hmm. Okay. 660 00:26:24,501 --> 00:26:26,002 I'll go with you. Come on. 661 00:26:27,462 --> 00:26:29,089 [groans] Never mind. 662 00:26:29,130 --> 00:26:31,091 - Are you sure? Could be fun. - Yep. 663 00:26:31,132 --> 00:26:35,845 No. I'm just gonna get some rest before my big day. 664 00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:37,389 Well, I'm gonna stay right here 665 00:26:37,430 --> 00:26:38,640 in case you get antsy again. 666 00:26:38,682 --> 00:26:40,475 Oh, good. both: Okay. 667 00:26:40,517 --> 00:26:43,436 Yes, I was waiting outside of Pam's room. 668 00:26:43,478 --> 00:26:44,938 Someone needed to chaperone. 669 00:26:44,979 --> 00:26:46,439 And after one look at her mother and sister, 670 00:26:46,481 --> 00:26:48,358 I knew I had to do the job. 671 00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,944 They wear a lot of makeup.